Around the Motherhouse Blog

When Did The Crazy Train Arrive and Why Did I Get On?

~The Adventures of KaliMama~

Okay, what evil gremlin sneaks into my kid's room each morning and intravenously injects them with 30cc's of pure adrenalin? Seriously, my kids give the phrase "hit the ground running" a whole new meaning.

And it's not that I am not a morning person. I am. I love getting up pre-dawn, making a fresh cup of coffee (or tea, depending on the phase in my life) and watching the morning news (or meditating, again, depending on the phase I am in). But for my adrenalin filled tots, morning consists of no less than literally bouncing off the walls and shrieks of joy - or pain, usually one followed by the other. It's like watching kick-boxing for crack addicts all before the wee hour of 7am! Even our dog rolls his eyes and hides from them. (The cat runs outside the second they are awake; the smart girl.)

Have you seen that movie, "Crank"? If not, don't bother its not that good. But if you have, well, that is what my life is like every day, times three. Here's a quick synopsis - main character, a man, is injected with a drug that will kill him. In order to stay alive long enough to enact his revenge on who did this to him he must keep his adrenalin at an excessively elevated level. Thus, the entire movie consists of this revenge minded idiot drinking Red Bull by the gallon, snorting coke and injecting himself with stolen epinephrine. Dumb plot, I know. But if you ever wonder what life is like with three very kinesthetic children, watch this movie. I'll gladly accept your condolences afterwards.

Sigh. It's not like there is anything I can do about it. I start with gentle reminders and progress to sterner commands until I am barking threats at them like a drill sergeant. It goes something like this. "Zeke and Oliver, remember to use your inside voices." "No, Oliver, it's not a good idea to tie a rope around your brother's neck to see if he can fly." "No, Zeke, doing belly flops off the couch onto the dog isn't allowed." "Yes, Oliver, I know that Spiderman can walk on walls, but putting gum on your hands and trying to stick to the walls isn't okay." "Take off the gum and put the ropes away." BOYS, take off the gum and put the ropes away NOW! One. Two. Three. Dammit boys, sit down and watch some frickin' TV would you?"

Actually, I admire their stamina and creativity and think that someday these qualities will be quite useful. But just for today I'd love to wake up and drink my coffee while they quietly play with some blocks and then clean up after themselves. Yeah right, who am I kidding?

~Jennifer June Sterling, goddess mother of three, Josie 11, Zeke 6, and Oliver - who will be 5 this month!