Seasonal Salon

Resisting Winter Solstice

Once we acknowledge the wheel of the year - we come face to face with the insistence of impermanence - of movement as a requirement of life - we look out at the natural world - it confronts us with a flickering glimpse of our raw nature - perhaps by forgetting our connection to everything again and again - we risk remembering our own transience.

A wheel needs a break to maintain stability - life needs a balance between the need for movement and pivotal moments of stillness – while swinging between the two - we can long for the illusionary comfort of stuckness – but I hate being stuck - stuck in one place - stuck in a rut - stuck in a loop - stuck on the side of the mountain I mistook for a molehill - I have no compassion or tolerance for myself - every time I follow well-worn tracks toward the familiar - ignore the handwritten neon “Do not enter” signs - or when I think I am dancing playfully in new puddles or toward fresh meadows – only to find myself sliding down familiar mud banks - butt face first into ancestral peat bogs

Whether I flail and wrestle the slide - or raise my hands surrendering to the ride - no matter if I’m mindful or graceless - I beat myself for my incompetence - what twice bitten fool picks up a poison snake? - aren’t we meant to be programmed to battle for life? - what bizarre evolutionary privilege turns the gift of free will - into this passionate attachment to internalize murder? - what or who determines which of us fights for life - and who competes in championship self-destruction? - why is it easier for some of us to lay down and die - and who’s to say that making this choice is the less valiant?

What strange animals we are - aberrations of nature - does any other living being attempt to hang on to Summer? - or repel the losses of Fall? - remember only the terror of Winter - while denying ourselves the rejuvenation in the art of breathing and stillness - I find endless ways to avoid entering the Deep - despite the face-slapping evidence – that the very act of slowing or stopping the wheel - will automatically manifest the essence of Winter - we always create the very thing we passionately seek to avoid - my resistance creates a personal micro season - as above so below - as without so within - we can only know balance - as a resting place on the path - to the next extreme

We can only know ourselves – through our willingness to accept what we are not – and embrace what we are - we can only survive the Deep if we hold the faith in the eternal promise of Spring - this is the faith that keeps me clean and sober through the wheel of my life – helps me ride through my emotions - despite the persistence of my faithfully dogmatic addict self - with her junk mail offers and second hand short-cuts to an easier way through life

As I watch the Winter Solstice full moon rise - I find myself once again face to face - with proof of the wheel turning - piece by piece - section by section - evidence reveals my place in it - it’s place in me - yet still I struggle - confuse faith with belief – belief with will – will with power – power with fact - fact with memory - memory with story - story with truth – while hanging on to my faith that the days will get longer - and Spring will long to be born through the freeze – Summer will find her fire – and I will find my harvest beyond whatever I have to lose.

Rev. Nano Boye Nagle MLA is a poet, an actor, a Guardian and a Minister. She offers individual spiritual coaching and teaches classes to women all over the country. She lives in Austin with her love Sally Jeaux.

Category: Winter Solstice 2018